Mars & Deborah 3:
As Deborah went to the departure hall to fly out of Adelaide I knew that the next few months were going to drag on slowly and that I would miss her like crazy. I just didnt want her to go but that was the reality of the situation. When she got back...
>> Continued




She's From:   United States
He's From:     United States

I had my first real relationship somewhat late in life - at age 24. It was with an older divorced woman with 2 kids.


We met on a local BBS in the Dallas area. Internet was not as popular back then. We first met at a BBS party at someone's apartment. We immediately thought it was not going to work. That was about two months before any kind of romance started. It kinda just happened one night.

After the first month, she was talking about marriage. It was kinda fun at first, but she started to be much more serious about it. She was telling me how the ceremony would be and how her kids would be involved. She started pressuring me to propose to her. She even said she wanted a father for her kids, and that at their current age was the best time for a new father to enter their lives. She was also hogging all of my free time. I was working extended hours at the time. 






Got home about 7:15. She always called at 7:30 or 7:45. She just kept talking until 10pm. I often cooked and ate dinner while she was on the phone with me. This went on for four months. It took a sarcastic comment from me to realize my situation. I forget exactly what I said, but in a fake pouting voice, she said "Fine! See if you can find someone better." Right at that moment I felt trapped.

I realized that I had been cut off from my friends and myself. Sunday afternoon was the only time I had to myself - Not always. Sometimes I would be with her and her kids. I loved her kids!! They were great!!

Because of the situation I was in, I began to wonder if I loved her or loved that fact that someone had given me a chance... because she was there. I did not cheat on her, but I created the possibility of someone else. I purposely looked for local girls online to communicate with. (This was my only real option at the time. At work, I was surrounded by married or engaged people.) I did not ask any of them out.

My parents moved out of state as the relationship was starting. After I returned from visiting my parents, I was talking about how great Phoenix was. I do not get along with my dad and she knew this. I had no intention of moving to Arizona. She got paranoid on the phone, thinking I was planning to move.

I kept telling her that I had no plans but she just kept going on and on. She started talking about visitation for her ex-husband. About how she would have to pay for the transportation for visitations. She acted like I knew all that stuff. She never told me before, and I told her she had never said that before. She wouldn't stop. Even after I said I didn't want to move, she remained paranoid. I couldn't take it. The next day or so we broke up - my decision.

She tended to write very long e-mail messages. (Longer than the posts I typically make in newsgroups.) She even bugged me after the break up. This was before the internet was popular and there were more local BBSs. We communicated on a system where we had to delete our old messages. A few months after the break up, she said she had been reading her old messages to me and apologized.

Her divorce was one of the nicest I had ever seen. She told me that the judge kept commenting on how they were too nice to each other. The judge also forced them to split things they were willing to give up. Both of them didn't need their house, and she was willing to give up the house to him.

She didn't want it. The judge forced them to divide it. The father took the kids every weekend. They remained friends. He wanted the divorce because he felt he couldn't properly fill the role of husband. There might have been some cheating, but none of that came up during the divorce process. She never mentioned it in a hateful manner.

She did marry later. I'm not sure if I totally approve, but it's her life. She married an old friend whom I have no objection to. Jerry is a nice guy. It's just that she swore that she would never marry him. I believe she married him because he was already there and so the kids would have that father she wanted her kids to have. That's my reason for objection. I don't believe it was for love. The love may have grown later.

I do miss her kids. I would have loved being a step-father to them. More recently, I had a teenage girl who is 10 years younger than I am view me as a replacement for her abusive father. We are still friends. She writes me more than anyone else by snail mail.

We started living in different states about 2 years ago, and I have over 30 letters from her since she moved. Before she lost her e-mail account (I paid for her last one), we were writing at least once each day - sometimes multiple times each day. I've known her since she was 15. She is now 19. I'm not sure if her view of me has changed. The last time I saw her she showed complete trust which was new for her. (She used to have a problem with being touched.) I have no doubts about my abilities as a father.

As for Arizona, I do live there now, but it was because I had trouble finding a job in Dallas. I moved in with my parents after being unemployed for 7 months. I should be able to move out again soon. I'm finally having some things fall into place.