Well our first
phone conversation occurred late at night. I was shaking so bad I
could hardly talk!! I went in my basement and called his number and
heard his voice for the first time, I ALMOST DIED!! "Hey, whad'ya doin",
he said. I loved his voice. That's all I could manage to say or should I
say whisper was, " I can't really talk right now" my hubby was home, and
he said " I know, its ok." I will never forget that night. I was so in
love with this man from Ohio. Over the next few months, we continued to
talk on here and the phone. He teased me about my Minnesota accent. I
don't think I have one by the way. I teased him about his New York
sounding accent ( I think its the Italian in him). I was on cloud 9. I
loved this man with everything I had. We had our share of ups and downs.
I think we were both frustrated with not being able to be with
one another. He was jealous of my husband, I was jealous of him seeing
other girls. After talking for about a year. We decided to meet. We had
talked about this all the time, wondering what it would be like to
finally kiss, to finally hold one another.
One morning I signed on to read my email
and there was an email from him with flight info, he was coming to see
me!!!!! At first I was scared. Was I really ready to cheat on my husband
of 7 years? Could I do it? My husband and I were growing further and
further apart each day. We were just existing. I loved Donnie and
realized I would hate myself forever if I didn't meet him. Two days
before he was coming to see me I dropped my humidifier full of water on
my foot and broke my toe, OUCH!!! :( I felt I had ruined everything. He
said it didn't matter to him. Well, I couldn't drive and he had to rent
a car. Our plans were that he was going to call me from his cell phone
when he was near my house. Well I got the call and I was so nervous I
thought I was going to puke~YUCK! He picked me up and I felt sooo shy. I
could hardly even look at him. I couldn't believe the man I had
talked to on the phone and online was sitting right next to me in the
car!! I was in shock!!
Well the first few minutes were super
awkward. We decided to head to his hotel so he could check in. On the
way there he reached over and touched my hand because I was still
feeling really uncomfortable. We got to the hotel and he asked me if I
wanted to go with him inside, I did. He got all checked in. We went back
to the car and he opened the door for me. When we got inside he asked me
if he could kiss me, how sweet!!
Well we kissed and it was
very passionate. After all the months of wanting this, the moment had
finally arrived!! Needless to say, we went to his hotel room and made
passionate love for the first time. How wonderful it felt to have this
man hold me in his arms. To look into his eyes. I felt such a strong
connection. Well, we saw each other for 2 days and ended up getting into
a fight. He got a call on his cell phone and I could tell by how he was
talking that it was a girl. I blew up at him and wouldn't talk and
slammed the car door when he drove me home.
I know, pretty immature. Well we didn't
talk again until he got back home, 2 days later. He didn't even call to
say goodbye. My heart was broken. I cried and cried. I signed on and he
was there, he im'd me right away and apologised for not saying goodbye
and how much he loved me. He said he was angry with me because I acted
like a little kid. Of course I let him back in. We continued to talk
online and the phone. We talked all the time about seeing each
other again. He has hurt me many times and I have always let him back
in. We have had a lot of ups and downs. I have said goodbye to him many
times and always regretting it.
Well I did something stupid tonight.
There's a guy on here who is always bugging me and I told Donnie about
him. Well donnie emails him a nasty email and it starts a fight between
them. Its a long story. Anyway, I just ended it with him tonight. This
time I think it was truly the end. He was mad at me and when he is mad,
he ignores me until he cools down. I im'd him and he wouldn't respond.
Well I was feeling an odd mixture of guilt, because I am married and
hurt, feeling like I wasn't as important to him as I used to be. And so
I thought I would hurt him by writing him an email saying goodbye and
that I was deleting my screen name. I signed it, I will always miss you,
I am having regrets now. I created a new
account with my screen name and then called AOL and had them delete it
and there's no way to bring it back. I just want Donnie to know he will
always be in my heart and I will never forget him. I only wish things
were different. I don't want to be enemies with him and I was feeling
like we were starting to hate each other. Both frustrated at the
situation of not being able to be with one another.
Please, please Donnie, don't forget me
and know that I do love you. The time we had together is something only
you and I share. You know how to reach me.