Sarah and Greg:
After having received a new computer for Christmas I logged onto a Christian dating service. A friend of mine had dared me to, and since I can't say no to a dare...
>> Continued
 

 

 

 
 

She's From:   United States
He's From:     United States

I finally joined Match.com, against my better judgment. At that time, I had just turned 34 and was ready to try [again]. I wanted to meet a nice girl - someone I loved being with and loved me back.
 

  I was ready to get married, “settle-down” and have children. I wasn’t ready for this at 30, but I was now.

A month later, I met a nice, beautiful 30-year old woman, originally from Europe (or, so I thought). She was on the “same page” in life I was; she wanted to settle down and be a mother. She had a sexy foreign accent; she loved cooking (good match for a guy who loves eating), and she was single! Or so I thought.

I wish I remembered Murphy’s Law; or read your Online Dating Tips or “Red Flags” information before. Because, Murphy’s Law and the “Tips” article both say: “If it seems too good to be true, it probably is...”
 

 

 



 

   

 

 
 

I was about to find about how very true that is....

I was smart enough to know that beautiful, sexy, 30-year old blondes with sexy-accents and a love for cooking don’t exactly grow on trees. A woman like this gets scooped-up before she’s 25, no matter what country she’s from. So, I asked her to marry me. She said: “YES!”

I couldn’t believe how lucky I was to (pardon the phrase) “land” such an amazing woman!

In March I took her to New York City for her birthday; we took a train from Providence. Rhode Island, and spent 2-nights in a Park Avenue hotel. I took her to Tavern on the Green for a birthday dinner and had an engraved cake brought out to her for desert. I spent/charged a fortune that weekend but, she loved it, and cried when she said: “it was the nicest thing anyone has ever done” for her.

By then, I knew this nice person had a horrible life of abuse and neglect, from childhood to adulthood. People would say tell her she was “ugly”. (I figured they were jealous because she was beautiful). Her mother allowed the step-brother to sexually abuse her, etc. I couldn’t believe my ears when I heard these countless stories. Well, no matter. She seemed quite well adjusted now. I loved her very much and I was DETERMINED, as her future husband, to be the first to treat her with the kindness, love and consideration that she deserved, but never received.

I was the only person in her tragic life to be supportive and treat her like an equal. Which, by the way, she loved and in her words, made her “feel special” and “better to her than anyone ever has.”

Things were great between us, until mid-May when she announced she had stomach and liver cancer. I was devastated. I found this great girl and now this? Why her? Why me?

She said she was going to spend the summer in Texas, staying with a friend and receiving her chemotherapy treatments three times a week. (After her initial operation Memorial Day weekend).

She DID NOT want me to go to Texas with her. Nor did she want me visiting, because she’d be weak, frail and didn’t want me to see her in this condition. I protested, of course; I loved her and wanted to be there for her during her time of need. But, she asked me to respect her wish; this was a “Danish-thing” her culture (Danish/German) and the people are very tough, and she was afraid of my reaction if I saw her. She was petrified of me rejecting her, if I did. She wanted to confront this thing herself, beat it and then start-fresh.

What could I do? I knew she was “quirky” she had used that word to describe herself too. Maybe I didn’t understand it, but if she didn’t want me to go with her; if she didn’t want me to visit over the summer.....if all I could do was respect her “stay-away” and remain supportive of her, until her battle was won then that’s WHAT I WAS GOING TO DO!

She even told me to date other women while she was away that summer. I was angry that she even offered this, but by then, I understood her “devalued” existence growing up. Being the loyal, committed, loving guy I was, there was NO WAY I would consider such a thing! Nor, did I want to be with anyone else. For the first time, the idea of being with the same woman (sexually or otherwise) was inviting. She was great. She was gorgeous! And, she was going to fight for her life this summer. What kind of a man would I be if I was dating women up here, while the woman I loved and planned to marry was in Texas, fighting for her life?

This was a golden-opportunity to show her, by example, that not everyone in her life would let her down. There would be some people encountered she can depend on. I was one of them...and proud to be the first.

So, I took her to Cape Cod one weekend. I took her to Martha’s Vineyard too; anything to take her mind off the battle ahead. I showered her with “supportive” gifts the night before her flight to Texas.

That summer I lost 10-pounds. My production at work dropped off. I was worried sick about this woman; her health, her life. She became distant, even insulting me once or twice on the phone. But, I knew it was because of what she was going through, so I never reacted. I was going to be waiting for her when she returned.

Long story, longer: she “recovered” and returned home, but remained distant, even odd after returning. Finally, one day, I had enough and decided to run an online background-check on her, (one of Match.com’s “Red Flag Tips suggestions) to try and find out why this person was acting so odd and mysterious.

If you guessed by now, I wish I knew you last year: She was already married; and had been for nearly 10-years!

That’s not the worst of it: she was married to a criminal; a member of an organized network. My luck had just changed.....

I was NOT supposed to know she was married on account of connecting her horror-stories of abuse and other “clues” observed and discussed over the year.

The relationship that just keeps on giving!

She was under enormous pressure to stay-away and NOT reveal anything further (the 1st-rule for organized crime).

She did feel very guilty for everything, as she should. For example:

1.) She’s not Danish. She’s American and grew up in Houston, Texas. Thus, every word out of her mouth was spoken with a fake accent; very word layered in lies.
2.) She NEVER having cancer that summer; she needed to get-away for a few months (for reasons, I won’t discuss).

Sure, why be honest now and end a “relationship” like an adult, especially when an innocent life was at risk like mine. Faking cancer: there’s an option I never considered.

So, because I was the only one I her life to treat her with respect (including her cruel family), the 12-months of equality, loyalty and respect from me was not enough to undo 30-years of prior abandonment, deception, betrayal, and cruelty. If there was a glass-slipper in this Cinderella-story, it was shattered...

What I’m guilty of: 1) Being naïve; taking someone at their word and not questioning it; 2) Being loyal, respectful and trusting of a person who, didn’t know what these concepts were, hence never reinforced in her. Hindsight is painful.

As God as my witness, the above story is true.

"Blinded by Love"