Anyway..later that night, we had decided that we would, in fact,
talk again the following night.
After we had signed off, I found myself filled with thoughts of him--I
was absolutely restless! I couldn't help but ask myself~~What's wrong
with me?? Why can't I get a "stranger" out of my mind? When I woke up
the next morning, my first thought of the day was of him- and was so
full of guilt that I had lied to him-I knew from that moment... this man
was someone special! It seemed as though the day just couldn't go by
fast enough for me--I was so anxious to talk to him again! Later that
night..when we signed on..I immediately proceeded to blurt out my "AOL
confessions"! Terrified at the fact that he may never talk to me
again...I confessed the BIG one...I was married!! It took a minute for
him to respond, so naturally I thought..this was it :o( But...in
return...he was telling me that he was married too!! From that moment..
we had decided that we would always tell the truth!! Well amazingly
enough, we made through the "session of confession" and was still quite
content with chatting with one another! Before I knew it, a few months
had gone by and we were still meeting here almost every night! Needless
to say... I was falling very much in love with him!
Not knowing how to deal with these feelings,
I felt as though--I had to tell him.. BIG mistake!!! When I told him how
I felt...he said to me... if you're looking for a man to come and take
you away, then you're looking in the wrong place! He told me that AOL
was pure fantasy and had nothing to do with reality!! OMG--I was so
devastated!! I felt at that moment that I had no choice other than to
never talk to him again! I didn't think that I was strong enough to just
be his friend and nothing more! That night, when we signed off~~ All I
could do was lay in my bed, hold my pillow and cry! I couldn't think of
spending one day of life without him--but I also couldn't bear that fact
that--we'd never be "together"! I thought long and hard and decided
that--I loved him too much to just let him go-if the only way he could
be a part of my life was as a friend--then I'd learn to except that! As
long as he was happy--then I could learn to deal with it! Needless to
say...we kept right on chatting almost every night!
One night while we were talking--The
words...I LOVE U came up on the screen---OMG, tears started rolling down
my face!! I couldn't believe it!!! I was so happy. From that moment
on--it has just continued to get better and better. Needless to say...
we are still chatting here almost every night and we have now started
talking on the phone! I can honestly say...I am so in love with him. He
has became "my world". I honestly believe that he was put upon this
earth to be by my side. We are so much alike that it's almost scary~~ I
just can't get enough of him!!--I must say that--we have overcome a lot
of obstacles already--However, the distance between us is yet- one more
challenge that we must face.
Finally meeting him will be a dream come
true for me but.. the thought of having to leave his side to return
home, just breaks my heart. I couldn't imagine ever having him in my
reach and then letting him go. I can say this..I pray every night that
one day..I will get the opportunity to look in his eyes and tell him
what he means to me. I don't really know, if he quite understands the
impact that he's made on my life--but,I do know that, I believe in
I HONESTLY BELIEVE THAT WE WERE BROUGHT
TOGETHER FOR A REASON. I love you baby-- with all the love in my heart!!