I'm slowly facing the fact that my bachelor
days are coming to an end, that I'll soon be starting a new life and
answering to a new boss. And so far, I haven't needed to take any
prescription drugs or see a psychiatrist. But there's still time.
I've been single for 35 long years. In fact, I've never even come close
to being married, unless you count the time I fell deeply in love and
almost proposed to a poster of Heather Locklear. But I came to my
senses, realizing that an ordinary guy like me could never impress the
beautiful actress, not without spending a few years in a tattoo parlor.
My life is about to change drastically. As a married man, I'll have to
keep all my things neater, go to bed much earlier, and find a good
place, somewhere in my home, to hide all my credit cards.
Thankfully, my lovely fiancee, Malathi, has a good sense of humor. She
doesn't take me too seriously. Except, of course, when I tell her I'm
crazy about her. So crazy that I'm willing to go on a honeymoon during
football season. I usually watch at least one game every Sunday, but
because it'll be a special time for us -- far more important than
football -- I'm willing to skip, with no complaints, the entire first
In case you're wondering, I met Malathi through a matrimonial ad on the
Internet. I placed the ad, she responded by e-mail and, before we knew
it, we had developed a rather close e-relationship. Pretty soon, we
wanted to elope.
Actually, our relationship moved quickly from e-mail to phone calls to
plane trips. I flew to Indiana, she flew to Pennsylvania, and we agreed
to fly off together to a land where only the bravest men dare go, the
land of commitment. I was eager to take the flight, though my ticket was
non-refundable and the plane looked ominously like a Concorde.
Meeting through a matrimonial ad may not sound romantic, but it's how
scores of Indians find their mates. Likewise, a growing number of
Americans are meeting through personal ads. The Internet has spawned
thousands of sites where singles of all ethnic backgrounds can hook up.
You can spend an entire year checking out photos of eligible men and
women, who, despite being on the World Wide Web, flash nothing but their
One of my friends, Ami, met her husband through a matchmaking Web site.
Without the Internet, Ami and I would still be searching for our mates,
so we're both thankful, naturally, to Al Gore. His invention helped us
meet two great people in other states, fulfilling Gore's promise to
I proposed to Malathi at Dewey Beach in Delaware, after she found an
engagement ring in a seashell. She said yes, even before I had a chance
to begin the hypnosis.
One of the best things about getting married is never again having to
hear that annoying question: "When are you getting married?" Of course,
being married will bring other questions, such as "When are you going to
have children?" "When are you going to buy a house?" and "When are you
going to get off the couch and help me with the dishes?"
But those questions will be easier to
answer: "As soon as football season ends."