I'm slowly facing the fact that my bachelor days are coming to an end, that I'll soon be starting a new life and answering to a new boss. And so far, I haven't needed to take any prescription drugs or see a psychiatrist. But there's still time.

I've been single for 35 long years. In fact, I've never even come close to being married, unless you count the time I fell deeply in love and almost proposed to a poster of Heather Locklear. But I came to my senses, realizing that an ordinary guy like me could never impress the beautiful actress, not without spending a few years in a tattoo parlor.

My life is about to change drastically. As a married man, I'll have to keep all my things neater, go to bed much earlier, and find a good place, somewhere in my home, to hide all my credit cards.

Thankfully, my lovely fiancee, Malathi, has a good sense of humor. She doesn't take me too seriously. Except, of course, when I tell her I'm crazy about her. So crazy that I'm willing to go on a honeymoon during football season. I usually watch at least one game every Sunday, but because it'll be a special time for us -- far more important than football -- I'm willing to skip, with no complaints, the entire first half.

In case you're wondering, I met Malathi through a matrimonial ad on the Internet. I placed the ad, she responded by e-mail and, before we knew it, we had developed a rather close e-relationship. Pretty soon, we wanted to elope.

Actually, our relationship moved quickly from e-mail to phone calls to plane trips. I flew to Indiana, she flew to Pennsylvania, and we agreed to fly off together to a land where only the bravest men dare go, the land of commitment. I was eager to take the flight, though my ticket was non-refundable and the plane looked ominously like a Concorde.

Meeting through a matrimonial ad may not sound romantic, but it's how scores of Indians find their mates. Likewise, a growing number of Americans are meeting through personal ads. The Internet has spawned thousands of sites where singles of all ethnic backgrounds can hook up. You can spend an entire year checking out photos of eligible men and women, who, despite being on the World Wide Web, flash nothing but their smiles.

One of my friends, Ami, met her husband through a matchmaking Web site. Without the Internet, Ami and I would still be searching for our mates, so we're both thankful, naturally, to Al Gore. His invention helped us meet two great people in other states, fulfilling Gore's promise to unite America.

I proposed to Malathi at Dewey Beach in Delaware, after she found an engagement ring in a seashell. She said yes, even before I had a chance to begin the hypnosis.

One of the best things about getting married is never again having to hear that annoying question: "When are you getting married?" Of course, being married will bring other questions, such as "When are you going to have children?" "When are you going to buy a house?" and "When are you going to get off the couch and help me with the dishes?"

But those questions will be easier to answer: "As soon as football season ends."

"Melvin"