I was very sad to say goodbye to my
workmates because they were best friends I ever had.
Quite a few times I wondered if I was doing the sane thing by moving
thousands of miles away from everything I'd ever known into an uncertain
future. But I was hopeful things would work out for the best.
So, on May 29, this year after a 19 hour flight to Vancouver, we boarded
a Greyhound bus for the 16 hour drive to Calgary. My son viewed it as a
great adventure and he was having the time of his life. But all I could
worry about was what a mess I would look when we finally arrived in
Calgary at 5 am the following day *lol*.
To my surprise, my Bikini Boy was at the bus terminal to pick us up. He
had bought a new car a few weeks beforehand and it was a comfortable
ride to the house, much better than a taxi. It was cold and rainy the
day we arrived, and after we settled in, my love made us a nice hot
In the weeks that followed things were up and down to say the least. My
love was very much used to his own space and suddenly having 2 people
living practically on top of him, he was a little on edge. I wasn't used
to sharing everything with another adult: the television, bathroom
times, daily routines, so I was on edge myself. My son was finding it
hard leaving his dad behind and misbehaved quite a bit.
Bikini Boy and I fought quite a bit and nearly every day I was in tears.
I honestly thought that we would get married soon after I got there,
because it seemed like the logical thing to do. Applying for permanent
residency would take a few months and my money wasn't going to last
forever. However, he was nervous and unsure about getting married and he
questioned the wisdom of having people constantly in his life.
We had some great times as well. He worked a lot of shift work, so for
the most part, my son and I were by ourselves. I lived for emails from
home and I cried and complained to my sister over email nearly every
day. Still, I was hopeful. He hadn't said he loved me yet and I think
that was what was making me crazy the most.
One night, we had a huge fight. I accused him of spending too much time
in front of his pc and not enough time with me. He said I wasn't grown
up enough for a permanent relationship and because he didn't love me, he
thought it would be better to be on his own. It was killing me, but I
had to face the inevitable: I had made a colossal mistake in giving up
my life for a man who wasn't willing to compromise. There was no choice
but for me to go home.
I emailed my sister and asked her for some money. I was going home early
and instead of going back to Sydney where I had lived, I would move in
with her and her fiance in Brisbane until I got myself on my feet. I
announced to BikiniBoy what my plans were and I told him I was sorry
that he was so stubborn as to miss out on a fantastic life with me.
Over the next few days, I started withdrawing emotionally from him to
spare myself months of crying over a broken heart. He was shocked. We
were fairly close before this fight, but now I treated him like an
aquaintance - polite but distant. In a small way I was relieved. There
was no more uncertainty, I didn't have to worry about whether I was
making a bad decision. I was going home and that was it.
About a week after my announcement, he came to me and said he wanted to
talk. We sat down and talked for hours. He said he didn't want me to go
home and we talked about getting married. I wasn't so sure because I
thought he was doing it as a last ditch resort. But he was sincere and
sorry and I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt.
There was no real formal proposal, just a mutual decision on our future.
I reasoned that asking for a proposal from an emotionally isolated man
was a bit too much to hope for *lol*. But after that day, he changed. He
was affectionate and loving and he allowed me to be in love with him
instead of pushing me away. He saw all the benefits of having someone
care about him and he blossomed.
I think he was frightened to trust to me, but once he did let me in, he
was amazed at how good things were. We laughed a lot and smooched a lot
and I relaxed completely. And with me not being so uptight everything
flowed from there. The more I relaxed and gave him his space, the more
he let me in and showed his affection for me.
Two weeks after that awful fight, we were married in our backyard with
his brother and sister-in-law as our witnesses. I made a lovely lunch
and we had champagne and wine and heaps of food.
And now, four months later, things are just as I imagined they should
be. I finally have a marriage and relationship that I love. My son has
settled down and he and my husband have become friends. I'm secure in
his affection now and when we spend time apart, it's no big deal. He, on
the other hand, loves to come home to a hot meal every day and a woman
who loves him without question. He's discovered the very thing he was
afraid of is the very thing he needs. A loving affectionate family and
someone who supports him in everything.
And I have found a man who loves me without all the fuss and fanfare of
unnecessary romantic mush, someone who is strong and capable and
I have found my place in the world at last.
Looking for Part One? It's