I can't describe the excitement with
which I opened my inbox every morning. His emails were enchanting.
Beautiful, well-written, full of humor and interesting details. I would
spend hours composing a reply and we began to exchange several emails a
day. How I looked forward to those.
Then we began chatting on skype. the
first chat was... incredible. We were on the same wavelength completely.
I was so nervous, I was shaking and blushing and my stomach was doing
backflips throughout. But it was perfect! I couldn't have hoped for
And then one day: WHAM! He's married. He
wrote me a long and somewhat winded email explaining his situation with
his wife. They are separated but not divorced, and he no longer has any
feelings for her or even contact with her, but I felt the bottom drop
out of my world nonetheless. For a few hours I was crushed. But I was
ready to keep an open mind. After all, this was a man I had just 'met',
and we lived on different continents! What rights or claims did I have!
It paid off. We became increasingly more involved. Emails started flying
back and forth, along with pictures, and we'd chat for hours. It always
felt like just a few minutes though! I felt like he was becoming my best
friend, my lover, my partner.
He's sweet and understanding. He's fun to 'be' with. He's gentle and
charming. And when I don't get an email from him or when he isn't around
on chat I feel terribly disappointed.
I don't know how much he feels for me. He certainly seems to reciprocate
but I have mixed emotions. I don't know if I've fallen in love or not- I
know I have a huge crush on this man, and sometimes I feel a bit
overwhelmed by how in synch we are and how quickly I've become
comfortable around him. I spend my days thinking of him and look forward
to the times I can spend with him. And at times I can't help but to
think how perfect this man is for me.
Yet I'm cautious about telling him the
extent of my feelings. This all started very recently and I need time to
see what happens, if my feelings will fade or grow over time.
I'm going to Europe in the summer of 2007 and we've arranged to meet,
even jokingly making plans on where to go and what to see. I can't wait.
Meanwhile I await his every email and every chat with bated breath.
Hopeful and giddy,