I had many problems of my own to deal with.
I found out I was Severely Depressed months before. I was on medication
to stop me from trying to kill myself and mutilate my body. I had many
surgeries on my mouth the summer before which made me feel very
I had also been in a previous Internet
Relationship the year before. It turned bad when I was dumped
because this guy couldn't imagine being with someone like me after my surgeries.
That night I was talking to prdiana one of the Channel
Operators. She is like the Poster Child of the Channel because
she married the guy she met from there. They are very happily
married and she would love to see other people as happy as she
is. She was joking around with me that night saying she should
try to hook me up with someone. I went along with it thinking it
wasn't going to happen.. this wasn't serious. Boy was I wrong!*lol*
Now Di had asked me what I was looking for in a guy so every
time someone would come in the Channel she would quiz them. She
would find out if they were Male/Female, Age, Single, etc..
People probably thought she was nuts that night.. *lol* No one
seemed to interest me yet at that point. I didn't talk to any of
the guys she gave the quiz to.
Then I saw ^Wolverin enter the channel. Something in my heart
made me pay closer attention to this guy. Maybe it was his nick
or maybe it was the way he presented himself in the channel? I
had no idea but I really wanted to get to know this guy. This
part I found out after Wolverin and I started dating but he said
that something told him he should go to Undernet that night. He
never had gone there before but something was telling him to..
boy am I glad he listened to that little voice! :-)
He and I didn't start out talking right away. I sat back and
watched him in the channel for a little bit. I was also talking
to Di in private message and telling her I was starting to get
interested in ^Wolverin. She kept telling me to talk to him but
for some reason I found myself too shy! Now I am a very shy
person in real life but on IRC I am the total opposite!
Then came the time I knew if I didn't do something he would be
gone. He asked if there was any single ladies in the channel. I
told him I was and he asked for my picture. Wolverin is the first
guy I gave my real picture to so I was very nervous! You have to
remember I kept it hidden for years I was a BBW.
I never felt more relieved then when I did when I saw his
private message. The first thing he told me was I was very
beautiful and he knew I just had to have a boyfriend. He was
pretty shocked when I told him I was very single.
We slowly started talking. I decided I wanted to be upfront with
this guy so I told him the truth about me. I told him about the
medication I was taking, about the problems I was having, and
about the attempts I had made to take my life. I just couldn't
lie to him and I was really starting to like him. I figured it
would be best to get it out right away so that way if he ran it
wouldn't hurt as bad. Wolverin did not run. He did not think any less of me. :-)
We talked for hours over the computer. It was like every thing
one of us said the other one said 'me too'. We had the same
dreams, same wants, same hopes, etc... Have gave me his picture
and I fell in love with his eyes and lips. Wolverin has the most
beautiful eyes I have ever seen on a man! :-)
We were getting along really good and he never once got sick or
perverted. Now for those of you who IRC you know that most guys
are always asking you what you are wearing, what your bra size
is, or if you want to cyber with them. Gets very annoying!
Wolverin was a perfect gentleman! That was a big bonus in his favor! :-)
The next thing we knew we were both really wanting to hear each
other. Now I normally don't let anyone call me from IRC unless
they are a really good friend of mine. I gave Wolverin my #
anyway. :-) He called me up right away and he has the sexiest
voice! We talked to rest of the night away on the phone! This is
when we found out we both loved Wrestling and Football. He is a
Dallas Cowboy fan and I am a Green Bay Packer fan.. *lol* For
those of you who don't know, Packers and Cowboys had a huge
rivalry for many years.
After that first night of talking on the computer and phone we
would talk every day on the computer and phone. Wolverin talked
about a future with me and to tell you the truth, it scared me a
lot. I wasn't ready at that time for a relationship and this guy
is talking about stuff that is in the future. He had even talked
about what we would get for our house when we moved together. I
hate saying this now (I love you Honey..hehe) but I did try to
back off from this relationship. It was just going way to fast
for me and I got scared. Instead of backing away I decided to
tell Wolverin it was going too fast for me. The funny thing is now
in our relationship I am the one who is getting impatient and
wanting to be together! *lol*
After about a week of talking to Wolverin I decided to tell my
family that I had meet a guy I really liked on the Internet. I
showed them his picture and told them about him. My Dad did have
a problem with Wolverin being African American/Puerto Rican. I
really hate saying that because he is my Dad and all. My Mom
didn't have a problem nor did my Sister and Brother. My
Grandparents on my Dad's side did have a problem - not surprised
eh? My Grandmother on my Mom's side was very happy for me.
I realized I was in love with Wolverin in September - 2 months
after I met him. I think I fell in love with him a lot sooner
then that but only realized it then. I was so busy trying to
fight falling in love with him that I had fallen in love with
him! I couldn't wait to tell Wolverin because I knew he was in
love with me and wouldn't say it until I did. I wrote him an
e-mail that night telling him how much I loved him. I know it
wasn't the best way to do it but he never called me that night
like I thought he would.. *lol*
Well, when Wolverin read the
e-mail he did call me because he wanted to hear me say I Love
You and he wanted to say it to me. :-)
By now we really wanted to meet each other. Wolverin bought a
plane ticket to come spend 2 weeks with me in Wisconsin. I was
getting so excited! But, then he got hurt playing Football one
weekend before he was to come. He had to have surgery on his
ankle and the doctors said there was no way he could hold off
till he got back. We were both really disappointed but we decided
that I could come to Connecticut instead for the same amount of
time he would have come here. Since Wolverin could not get his
plane ticket put into my name I had to take the Greyhound bus.
My first time on one and might I add, my last! It was hell for
me! I really did not care for that one bit.
I was so nervous/anxious/excited/scared all rolled up into one
when I finally arrived in New Haven, Connecticut. I was lucky
and Wolverin wasn't there yet so I ran to the bathroom in hopes to
at least fix my hair and make up a bit. I spent the last 37
hours on a bus mind you.. *lol*
When I was sitting there waiting for Wolverin I would look at
every guy that walked by. I was so nervous and so afraid that I
would miss him or something. Finally he walked over to me and I
looked into those beautiful eyes and saw that smile. :-)
This wasn't very romantic of me but I was in such a dying need
of a cigarette I asked him if we could go outside right away.
You have to remember I was so nervous and I didn't know what to
do.. *lol* When we got out to his car he handed me a dozen red
roses. How romantic! We drove around so he could show me where
he lived, where he worked, and then we picked up some Chinese food.
When we finally got back to the hotel he had another dozen red
roses, 10 carnations, and candles waiting for me. Awww... I love
my Teddy Bear.. he is such a romantic! :-) We ate Chinese by
candlelight that night.
I was ready for a nice long hot shower so he gave me the biggest
hug before I got in. It felt so good to be in his arms and
holding me so tight! I didn't want to let go. When I got out of
the shower we were cuddling up on the bed getting ready to watch
Wrestling (hehe.. well we both love it remember!) when he asked
me if I was ever going to kiss him.
That kiss changed my life! All the walls I had came crashing
down! He opened me up to love again, be loved, and he made me
feel like the prettiest woman on earth! It was like I was no
longer depressed or had any reason to take my life! I had never
felt more happy in the past 3 years then I did all of a sudden.
The day I had to leave Wolverin was the hardest in my life. He
felt it too because he promised me we would be together forever
by December, 1998. Unfortunately it is now going on 6 months
since he promised me that. I am still in Wisconsin and he is
still in Connecticut. We have no idea of when we will be able to
see each other again let alone live together.
I am more in love with Wolverin every day. He is truly my soulmate
and the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. I want to
marry him and have a family. He feels the same way about me.
UPDATE!! ---> We are going to be spending 2½ weeks together
soon! I leave in 3 weeks from today to spend time with Wolverin
again in Connecticut. I will be there for the last two weeks of May 1999.
In this time we will talk about our marriage and I get my ring. So we
are engaged just not 'official' til I get my ring. :-)