Shana and Michael:
It all started last July. I was baby sitting my younger cousin Kristian while my aunt was out of town for the weekend. As it was getting late I put Kristian to bed and I began to watch TV... 
>> Continued
 

 

 
     
 

 
 

She's From:   United States
He's From:     United States

I'm not that old. Actually, I'm not even legal yet. But I do believe I've found my soulmate. 

 

I know most of you are probably thinking 'She's not even 18 yet, how could she have found her soulmate? It's probably puppy love.' But, it's not. I promise you. May I remind you, Romeo & Juliet were only 14. {Let's just forget about the fact they both killed themselves for a few minutes here.}

I'm home-schooled, and one day in December of 1999 I was bored, so I went online. Searching through the AOL Teen chats, and finding them all busy, I clicked the last link & finally found a chat that wasn't full.

 

 



   

 

 
       
 

Choosing the only nickname that came to my mind, I entered as 'Candy'. I had been listening to a girl named Mandy Moore that sings a song called 'Candy' earlier that day, i know this because I had seen her in concert a few days earlier. Anyway, enough babbling.

As I was saying. I entered and just sat there watching the people for a few minutes. After noticing that they were all hyper, I too, became hyper. I began saying a few things when the chat slacked off a little & soon became, well, I wasn't quite a "newbie" anymore, but I wasn't a regular. I enjoyed being able to act crazy without being told "Sit down! Stop jumping!" etc. I soon began coming everyday & being my usual hyper-self. However, after about a month I got my own computer & began doing an "all-nighter" along with one or two other people. One night I was feeling pretty sad, I don't even remember about what right now, I told this guy, we'll call him Jack, I told 'Jack' about why I was feeling bad. His sense of humor cheered me up so much that I began joking with him in the room as the months went on.

After about 3 or 4 months of just being our crazy idiot selves, we began to flirt. I remember the first time he hinted that he liked me. I showed him a picture of me with my best friend from a concert a few months before "Wow." he said. "If you look hard enough you can see through your shirt to your bikini top." I laughed & told him you were supposed to be able to, It was summer, after all. He sent me a picture the following night, & as ashamed to say it as I am, I didn't find him attractive. "What's wrong with me?" I thought. "I'm judging the coolest guy I know by his looks." I stopped going to the room for a few days, feeling guilty from judging him by his looks.

After thinking about it non-stop, I realized something. I didn't care about his looks. The only reason I had been shocked before was because it wasn't how I had thought of him. I entered the room & casually tackled people & hugged them, as is my usual entrance to the room. "What happened? You haven't been here for a few days." said the owner of the room. {Allow me to explain, the chatroom isn't an AOL chat room, it's on a website. The link was found through AOL though.} that's when I realized I had become a regular. 'Jack' msged me a few minutes later. "Are you ok? I was worried about you. Are you sick?" "Nope. Just being an idiot. I got over it though. Have you?" I teased. He laughed and began joking & flirting with me again, then it happened. He started talking to me about a girl he liked. I stared at the message and realized something. I was falling for this guy. Not in love. But I liked this guy. I didn't want him to like anyone but me. However, me, being the idiot that I am, encouraged him to tell her.

Well, a few weeks later he told me he had told her. I was devastated but didn't show it. I asked what she had said. "She has a boyfriend and wants us to be only friends." I comforted him the next month or so, until I had to go. "I'm going to Oklahoma for a week. Visiting a friend." "Alright. See ya." was his reply. My heart dropped. I felt like breaking down & sobbing, but didn't. I had wanted so much for him to say he'd miss me, but he didn't. The whole week I was gone, my thoughts were on him. Even when LFO {A popular pop group in the U.S.} was on stage, I just thought of him. Then I realized it, on the plane ride home. I was in love with him.

The very night I got home I signed online, to my surprise & delight he was online. I IMed him. "It's midnight, what do you think you're doing up on a school night?" I teased. "Hey! You're back! Come here!" he said, sending me a link, of course I obeyed. It was a chat room for his radio station & we began talking in their, while lurking in the other room. We casually chatted for about an hour before I decided to tell him what I felt. However, I'm still a chicken, so, i did what i do best. I mean, I told him. But I guess telling him in a language he doesn't know doesn't count?

Anyway, he used a translator and deciphered it as best he could. He IMed me a few minutes after I left the room. "Katie," he said. "I sort of translated what you said. And I get the general idea. but, for now, we're just friends. Really Really Really good friends." My heart sunk, but of course I couldn't let him know. "Jack, I was joking. You do know how to do that, right? You didn't forget when I left? ;p" We talked for a minute or two before I signed off because I was "tired." It wasn't a lie, I was tired. But I also had to lay in my bed & cry myself to sleep.

After a few months I was dared to "seduce" him in IMs. He knew what i was going to do, I mean, one of our mutual friends had dared me in the room. He agreed to let me try it so, I began teasing him in IMs. "Hiiii Jack. You're soo adorable. Oh, what I wouldn't give to let you know that I've been in love with you since i don't know when." He laughed & played along until the wee hours of the night. Finally at around 2 in the morning I asked him what he would think if I told him that what i had said was true. That i was in love with him. His reply "I don't know..." I asked whether happy or sad, and he said happy. My heart soared right then, but I was still a chicken. After a few minutes I managed to type "Well, it was true. I am in love with you. I was on the plane ride home when i realized it." I hit send then minimized the IM & switched the screen back to the chat room, where a few of us were still hanging out.

I heard the IM sound but didn't open it. In the room Jack had hit me. "Hey! check your IMs!" he said. "I'm too chicken!" I whined. But he convinced me to look at it, so I did. "Hrmm. Well, that's great. Because I feel the same." I couldn't believe it. I started giggling & crying. I had to literally go over to my bed & scream into my pillow, I was so happy.

However my happiness ended a few days later. I had gotten scared when he IMed me "Can I talk to you...?" and had told my other friend that I had been talking to in IMs "He's going to break up with me." After a few minutes and him not IMing a few tears rolled down my cheeks. I knew what was coming, but as long as he didn't say it I was fine. And then he did IM. "I think we're better off as friends." The tears came steadily then. I could hardly see the screen through the tears. "Ok. Fine with me. :) I was actually going to tell you the same thing." Ok. So I lied. Big deal. Jack told me that the only reason he told me that was because he was happy that I felt that way about him. He explained that he had liked me since the first time I had came into the room, back in December, but had given up on me a few months ago when I left. He had moved on to someone else.

And then the biggest heartbreak came. He told me he was in love with my best friend. If I had been crying before, I could now fill the seas with my tears. I lied from then on & even encouraged him to tell her how he felt. They got together a week after he dumped me & have been together for almost 8 months now.

I have known 'Jack' for almost two years now & I feel as strongly today as I did over a year ago. I love him, with all my heart and soul. I wondered after the breakup whether it had been true love & while surfing a website, I found the answer. It was a page of quotes & one of them said "If you'll let someone go to be with a better person, you're a good person. If you let someone go to be with a better person, & that better person is your best friend, you truly love them." And then I knew. I truly love him. I have never told Jack, nor my best friend, how much I hurt. To never have my feelings thought of by my best friend really hurts me. To this day I still attend the same chat as him & recently my friend began coming into the room too. It hurts a lot to see them together, but I bear it. I truly love Jack, and if his happiness is given to him from being with my best friend, then he will never know my true feelings.

"Lacey"