Mars & Deborah 3:
As Deborah went to the departure hall to fly out of Adelaide I knew that the next few months were going to drag on slowly and that I would miss her like crazy. I just didnt want her to go but that was the reality of the situation. When she got back...
>> Continued




She's From:   United States
He's From:     United States

Here is my story... LOST LOVE (But never forgotten)

I was reading the words of Broken Hearted and I too can relate to not knowing what you've lost until it's gone.

  My story started in March of 1997. I would go to some of the chatrooms on dalnet and it was in one of those rooms that I met "T".

My nick ended with my age and she (being less than one year younger than me) thought that I would be someone interesting to DCC. We hit it off immediately and in the following days we started sending emails to each other several times a day and then at night we would chat with each other exclusively. We exchanged phone numbers and I eventually got up the nerve to call her one day. She was so excited to hear my voice and I was feeling myself falling in love, although we both had pretty well been heading in that direction anyway.






We stayed in contact almost constantly with everything from phone calls, emails, and chatting on a daily basis. She asked me one day to send my pic to her and I was almost afraid to do that because we seemed to be getting along so well and I was afraid of not meeting the image in her mind. Well, she absolutely loved my looks and said that she wanted to be with me even more now. We started making plans for our first meeting and the date of June 8 was decided upon.

I live in North Carolina and at the time, she lived north of Houston, Texas (Willis). She came up with the idea of meeting in Tyler. She could spend time with me while her sister kept her two young daughters nearby. That way, she could spend time with her family, which she only saw once in a while, and she could spend time with me. We already felt as though we knew each other so well, even before the meeting. When I opened the door to the hotel room that hot Sunday afternoon, I knew there and then, that I was in love.

We spent a glorious week together doing everything from seeing movies, going out to dinner, visiting the huge rose garden in Tyler, doing things with her kids, and spending time together in my room. When the week ended and we were saying our goodbyes, she told me that she loved me and I told her that I had felt the same way for a while now. We were so emotional and I was near tears as I drove away from Texas that day. We stayed in constant contact and we would make plans every 2 or 3 weeks to meet again. I would drive 18 hours, sometimes with only a short nap, to meet her at her home in Willis. We would usually have 2 weeks to do all kinds of fun stuff and we were so much in love. Parting was always so very hard for both of us.

You should know that at this point, we were both married to someone else. Her marriage was falling apart and in the beginning of our relationship, her husband would come home from Houston sometimes on the weekends and sometimes he wouldn't even bother. He was living in an apartment and working in Houston. I was not happy at home and I think that the problem was more with me than anything else. I needed "T" and she appeared at a time in my life where I welcomed her with open arms. We continued to have our meetings every few weeks because we couldn't stand to be away from each other. Our phone conversations would last for hours at a time and sometimes there would be 3 or 4 conversations a day.

We made plans to be together and initially she was going to move here to NC, but for some reason, she became afraid of my wife. We kept trying to think of ways to work it out...we set a date of July 31 (1998) to be together and when that fell through, we decided that it would happen by the end of October. In August, against my wishes, she moved to Colorado. I always felt that the least she could have done was move closer to NC, if not actually in NC. I could tell that things were changing just by the tone of her emails, even though she still professed her love for me.

I finally got her to confess that she was seeing someone else. Actually, what I found out later was that she had joined a dating service. At this point in our lives we both were 43 years old and I was soon to turn 44. She was dating guys in their mid 50's because she told me that they were safe. We went through all kinds of emotions with our relationship, but I continued to hang in there. Finally, we agreed that I should come to Colorado to live with her and I arrived the last week of October. It was never easy though. I was out of my element. I didn't have my business (I was self-employed) and I was trying to find some type of work in television because that was my background.

Just before Thanksgiving we agreed that it wasn't working and I headed back to NC. A few days later we were missing each other and again I headed back to Colorado. I stayed through Christmas Day and then headed back home, because she knew that I wanted to spend some time with my daughter around Christmas and that was okay with her. Our relationship deteriorated from that point on. First, she was disappointed when I did not return by New Year's Eve. I had some business matters that had to be attended to. I wanted to come back as soon as those were settled but she was withdrawing and by mid January, she was dating again...much to my disappointment.

I had to keep in mind that that was her way of dealing with her least that is what she would tell me. I drove almost non-stop to see her around January 20 and it was clear that she did not want to go further with our relationship. She even had a date that she would not cancel, even though I had driven so very far. Funny thing though...the sex was always fantastic between us and we made love twice while I was there. She even had me to stay over for the night, after her date had left. Even then, we held onto each other tightly as if something from outside was pulling us apart. I was an emotional wreck. I wanted so badly for us to be okay, but I left Colorado the next day thinking that I would never see her again. We said what I thought would be our last good-byes.

Our love for each other had always been very intense and we both had felt like we had found our soulmate in each other. I guess that explains, to some extent, what happened next. I had already given up on us and was dealing with the hurt when I received an email from her saying that she missed me. A few days later, she called and we discussed my coming back for one last try. She said that she was dealing with a depression and she wanted me to come back again. I was elated but that did not last long. When I arrived, I found someone who was just there in person and who could not and would not reach out to me. She really made no effort to make things right between us. I arrived a few days before Valentine's Day and when it came, I tried to make that day very special for her. She did nothing for me on Valentine's. It was that way for 10 trying to get her to open up to me...and she was shutting me out. We used to have sex 2 to 3 times a day and I think we may have made love for a total of 4 or 5 times while I was there.

We finally ended it on a Friday evening (Feb. 19) during a time of great frustration for both of us. I could see it coming, but I had hung in there and given it everything I could. During the two years of this relationship, I found out many things about "T", some of which were not so great, but I found my love to far outweigh all of that and it never has died yet. We both had a trust issue with each other and there were other problems that we faced, but if I could do it all over again, I would have left my home sooner to be with her or at least insisted that she move here to be with me. Stretching everything out did not help us at all. We both went through hell and we both made mistakes. We used to be so obsessed with each other and now, those feelings were dying and I felt so helpless.

It has now been three months since I last saw her face and I must tell you that there are tears in my eyes even as I type this letter. My love for her is still with me and probably always will be. We send each other an email once in a while, just to stay in touch. For several weeks after our break-up I tried to remind her of everything that we once meant to each other and I would send her very detailed emails about what we had endured and why we should remain together. Her depression is over now and I believe that ending our relationship during that troubled time was the biggest mistake that we ever made.

She is now dating a guy she met through her dating service and the last that I heard, they are dating exclusively. I think back through our rich history now and then...the neat way we met on the internet (I was the first person she had ever DCC'd as she was just learning about how to go online that night)...the many emails we sent...the scenarios we did through email...the love letters we mailed each other...the many hours we spent side by side and in each other's loving arms...the fun we had together...the hours we spent talking and enjoying our time with one another...and so much more.

There are times when I imagine that there are two "T"s and that I really don't know the one that exists today because she did seem to change so much. I find myself hoping that the old "T" will come back into my life any day now. Even months later I still can't believe that it's over and through my tears, I miss her and love her dearly.