Nina: It's strange how things happen... you
are trudging through the mundane weary lanes of life when suddenly,
out of nowhere, love walks in and touches your life in a way that you
know that nothing could ever be the same again...
She's From: United Kingdom He's From: India
By other people's standards maybe I was
lonely maybe I was sad at the time and had a void to fill and needed
So often I would just pick a name out of the
hat on Yahoo search and talk to a complete stranger about the weather -
as us Brits do best or the way to make their favourite cake, guys or
girls. And one day I came across Him.
Now he wasn't God - far from it- at the beginning we discussed his home
life and my own set up and the word ditto kept being used - it turned
into a joke. I was often amazed at the hundreds of similarities and
wondered whether I really was talking to this guy across the other side
of the world because he was so similar to me.
No that wasn't the reason, he criticised me and put me in my place - and
actually said to me - well, that's a real dumb idea. I was so used to
making decisions without any feedback. but we would discuss ideas as
both of us were entrepreneurs on the side of our main jobs. It was only
6 months down the line when we both simultaneously realised that
something deeper was happening but we were both petrified as hell! Was
it that we were lonely? Well we both had family around us and friends,
we both had just come out of relationships so it wasn't as if we were
unattractive. We were both quietly flirting with each other. The emails
weren't daily, they were just to check in on each other - we didn't
complete each other but were compatible.
I was said to be bright and bubbly and innocently fresh in his life - he
brought a sense of patience and calm to mine - we argued, we rested, we
shared ideas and helped each other with the other's business. Looking
back as lovers do, we talked about little when we finally opened up -
all the soppy stuff that both of us thought was unexpectedly coming out
of our typing. We both were out of place. The involvement was madness.
Two years later I broached the subject of meeting. We did - I stayed
with friends in Delhi whilst he worked and we would meet up every
evening to get to know each other. That was so difficult - I was shy -
he was awkward even though we knew a mountain of details about each
other. It took him 4 days for him to hold my hand - LOL. We spent a few
days alone up in the Himalyas in silence which is what we enjoyed with
each other - we didn't have to pretend, just be ourselves. OK, it was
time away from reality and on the last night we gave each other a hug
acknowledging that. It felt natural but I knew already that I probably
wouldn't see him again, deep down.
I returned to my life here working away - I was off work from a car
accident over 6 months. He hardly replied to my emails. I called and he
admitted that marriage was not the idea. I agreed. I just wanted to get
to know him with his silences. He made me make a decision 2 years after
we had met. Yes we still had deep respect for each other - he hated that
in every sense I was demanding but not with him. I always said I would
take what he could give me. I could give him nothing but friendship
being so far away. We both had elderly parents to think of. Over the
time I think my emails didn't have the early smiling effect he said they
used to - my best friend had moved on.
I don't blame him - I'm not the sort of person to incriminate a
character to the end of the relationship. But he gave up on me.
Sometimes I would suggest to meet him for a week and he would say -
"You're crazy Anita! be realistic - you have to pay the bills and what
about our parents?". Eventually I gave up also. He always called me the
last optimist if the end of the world would come. I don't need to look
at his picture of him by the river. It's tucked away somewhere, not even
important where. I'm disappointed that after love he didn't value our
friendship enough to stay in contact - maybe it was too painful - I know
for me it was.
I don't think that there has been a day where I have not woken and
muttered his name, LOL. I refuse to go to his city now. too many
memories even though I have other friends there... but what I have
learnt is that love sometimes isn't like in a fairy tale - a happy ever
after even if you do seem to find the perfect match. I have grown so
much and I know he has. We are both so much more cautious but more
willing to enjoy what we have and I think that we both know that if we
were really desperate we would be able to ask each other for help.
I have moved on... well tried to. I just hope I can find love again.